Sunny Perth

Reading in the newspaper recently,I came across a story of an old aboriginal lady who won millions of dollars in lotto last year. She lived in a remote mining town with many of her relatives and remained there in the old shack; surrounding by stacks and stacks of dollars....

I sometimes dream of winning lotto, not a lot; a few millions will do...

One watches Quiz show on TV, and read about other lucky ones who win, hundreds of thousands of dollars; it just seem such easy money; whereas I have to race from one job to another trying to earn that measly sum of pay which is termed "above poverty" line.

It will be nice for a brief period, to have some spare money, relaxed and take a break and not having to worry about the mortgage, the bills , Won't it be nice???

Oh I do dream of a lotto life!

Most people spend a big part of their life in a work place and office politic is unavoidable; sometimes the bickering can be resolved with better communication, most of the time it just get worse.

Two of my colleagues had disagreement some time ago;even though there were several attempts to resolve the issues, the bitterness remained. Yesterday the conflict resurfaced, there were arguements, tears and more tears....I was so disturbed by this whole episode, I had the sunken feeling all day.

There will be more troubles ,more arguements,and more tears at work place when the boss comes back; she was the one who encouraged my colleague to spy and "dob" on each other.

These people are both my friends,I just wish they will resolve their differences and do not fall prey to the boss's nasty sheme. I wish they will just get on with the work..a work place with conflict and poor management is not a good place to work....

A friend whom I have not seen for quite a while rang and spoke of her recent ordeal with a mini stroke and the discovery of her throat tumour; it made me realised that life is so fragile.

This friend of mine has everything,a loving husband, money..lots of it, nice house, new car,a job she loved...few years ago she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, was treated and "fully" recovered. Life seems so good, parties continued...

Last week she was driving, had a mini stroke and rammed into another car,went through temporary amnesia ;this experience totally shattered her. The specialist discovered that she has two massive blood vessels in the brain that is leaking, thus the stroke and the amnesia. To make things worse, she experienced "choking" feeling and the doctor discovered that the tumours in the throat has returned and is pressing on her vocal cord, luckily these are not cancerous.

I feel very sad, with my own father's condition and my friend's recent experience, I am totally exhausted, emotionally and physically. Why is life so fragile???

I sat down in my favourite chair, looking out to the front garden, the birds were chirping, happily wagging their tails, seducing ,teasing... Green vegetation sheltering the house from prying eyes; April sun shinning lazily, it was such a relaxing afternoon,so calm and peaceful. This is my home, my haven.

There have been a lot of work put into this house, and there is always more work to be done. Every penny saved and every available time is spent on building this small, modest house into a comfortable home; and being a sole earner it has been hard. I feel very proud of my little abode, every furniture,every plant, every brick tells a story of how hard I worked. It has the mark of resilience and will power.

I looked forward to my many visitors in October arriving to share my joyous moment ...the laughters,...the chatters...in my humble abode.

A parent's carelessness or favourism can sometimes have a tremendous negative effect on his/her child, parents beware!

I have told this story befor and I would like to tell the story again to warn off other parents of their action.

When I was a child,toys like dolls and cars from the shop were unheard of. Our toys were a few tins, pots and pans, marbles and balls. Rubber band was our "money" followed by improved version of worthless Japanese notes found in a suitcase. I used to climb trees, catch spiders..then one day dad came back from town with some toys, a beautiful doll with blue eyes. Her eyes opened when sat up, closed when put to bed. She had beautiful full lips and thick blond hair. Her name was "Lily".

The double decker bus was not that big, but it has bright colour,bright red duco with black wheels and lots of windows...

I was there when the toys arrived, Lily was given to my younger sister, my younger brother was given the bus...and; I had nothing! NOT a THING!

I was hurt, so damn hurt. I did not cry nor did I ask for my toy (I know the answer); instead I try to play and to share with my sister/ brother their new toy;but I was not allowed. In frustration I probably was quite disruptive, I probably threw the bus or kicked the doll (recently my younger brother told me both himself and my younger sister did not like me when we were younger; and I don't blame them) I blamed my parents , but for many years I diverted my anger and disappointment towards my younger sister and my brother,building my wall and distancing myself.Though I did sent money and presents, emotionally I could not get closer; all because of those damn toys..!

Not having my own "Lily" symbolised unloved, emotional neglet and favoritism, I carried that hurt for over thirty years until I have the courage to approach my mum.
She was emotionless,casually commented that she has always treated me as an adult, that's why I did not received the toy, damn it I was only 8 years old, an adult!

Recently I dropped everything, rushed back home to look after my dying dad in hospital. We had to organise the house for dad's home coming and the room has to be rearranged. My brothers, my niece and my sister were all involved in sorting out the place, many rubbish have to be thrown away, white ant infested wood had to be disposed off, we worked hard and were very pleased with ourselves with the result... then I received news that mum was ringing around telling people that I have come home,disrupting the household, throwing "thousands dollars" worth of stuff away...
It is "Lily" all over again! I don't get the praise, I got the blame(even though everyone else wer involved); another kick in the stomach by my own mother....

I cried, sobbing my heart out, not able to sleep for two night, crying, thinking "why..?"

For years I laboured, worked hard to gain love and approval, other kids in their new dress, went out to movies on new year day, I stayed at home in my new clothes, slaving away, making drinks and washing glasses for the continued stream of visitors. For years I slaved under hot sun, working day and night, labouring in the rubber estate,helping dad with the work, hands full of calluses.

I sent money to support the family for years, always a dutiful daughter. When properties were to be allocated, mum rang me, happily reported to me about how the land were divided, and how each boys were given share; then she digged in "Girls do not get any..!" So, girls are alright to slave in the land, but not good enough to have a share! Another knife!

I am not after any share of land, nor am I interested in money or houses, I am independent, self sufficient and have a lot of pride; but I do want recognition, and I wanted love; and I receive none.

This recent rude awakening, though hurtful, is in fact a blessing in disguise. For years I have been longing for that "love" ,sacrfying myself, putting the "family" first. The rude awakening have free me from that longing and made me see things clearer. I can now move forward and get on with my life, when there is no "hope", there is no "despair'. I feel free.

I was talking with my colleague at tea break, and for the first time,she opened up to me and told me her story. I like to share it with all of you.

Mary (not her real name) was a trained nurse, very intelligent and very good at her work. She married her husband who is an engineer. They had a good life in an Asian country, good jobs, nice house and servants to help with housework and minding the children; but there is a demon in the family;he drinks and is a violent alcoholic. Drink consumed his life,he was violent to his wife and his children, and blamed the family for his failure. With recession, he loss his job, more drink, more violenc. She decided to move to Australia,away from the environment; hoping that he would change in a new environment. They reached Australia, and he insisted on stepping on Australian soil first as he said that his wife and his children brought him bad luck, so with him be the first to walk on Australian soil,his luck would change.
They settled in a rented unit, she started to look for job, and he drank...beating up the wife and the kids; she was in turmoil. The children begged her to leave him for they know they would die in his hand. She planned her escape, she packed her bags,left with nothing else, and moved into a refuge with help of crisis care. Away from his put down and the violence, she became strong. Not long after she moved out from the refuge, bought her own house, (borrowed heavily), brought up the kids, 12 year later she divorced her alcoholic husband.

The kids studied well, graduated and are both in good jobs. They both loved and respect their mother,and never blamed her for leaving and "breaking up" the family. They were grateful that she rescued them from violence.

There are many stories such as these, many women fell in the heap, not able to cope with the pressure,some become alcoholic, some are on medication for depression; but many do turned the world around and get on with life;I salute those women.

I do not condemn those who could not cope; it is not easy. What annoyed me is those righteous women who are with their partner(some are not happy with their relationship) making comment such as "one should put up with it, for the sake of the children and the family"; the woman who have the courage to leave the marriage is often being condemn by these group of "righteous" women. I would like to challenge these women and asked them how dare them make comment such as these without knowning the whole truth. By making comment like these, you are committing the unforgiveable crime of pushing the poor abused women deeper into the "black hole" How Dare You!

I AM RICH!

My future son in law told me that my property near city is now worth near to a million dollars due to the soaring property boom in Perth, I was stunned, but very happy, happily counting my paper money in my head...I am a millionnaire (in paper value)!!!

Thinking back it was such a struggle trying to keep this property; newly divorced, with hardly any money and two young kids to support, bills to pay, food to put on the table;and feeling rather down, how am I going to cope??

Stubborn and strong minded, and, believing in the value of land like my ancestor, I plodded on; working two, sometimes three jobs, still continued to cook, wash and keep the house respectable; I made it looked so easy.I can cope! (I told myself)

I paid all my bill,bought a new car for myself, one each for my two daughters; and through that difficult journey, helped the less fortunate... Don't asked me how I did it; but I did.

It has been 6 years,I lived, I thrived. Don't feel sorry for me, I am OK and I am a Millionaire, and I did it my way!

My Floors, my world...

The floors in a Asian family is their "sacred" place, at least in my house. Like most Asian family, I like to keep a clean floor where I can walk bare footed, where I can sit and lie down if I want to, my floor is my world...

Culture differs, my Aussie man has no real concept what a clean floor mean to me (and my daughter), when he remembers, he takes his shoes off, if he is lazy or couldn't be bothered, he will walks in with his shoes on, bringing dirt to my floors...his excuses is he is working and could not be taking his shoes on and off each time when he wants to come in for a drink or when he has to "go". I do appreciates all the help he gives me; but I rather he does not walk into my house with shoes on; I rather he pee outside, has his jug of water outside (I am happily to refill the jug); just don't dirty my floor!

To take shoes off before entering my house is to show respect; despite his kindness to me and his hardwork, I told him I will never married him, because he does not respect me; and he dirtied my floor !!!

Where Have all the Fishes Gone??

I went to the supermarket yesterday for my weekly grocery shopping; being awy from home for a month, I was surprised to learnt that nearly all the food packets has its country of origin written on the packet; thanks to my daughter's friend,a young MP who fought for the labelling to be done. I was surprised to see that most of the food were originated from overseas, the most shocking discovery are our seafood, prawn from Thailand, Barrmunda from Cambodia,coral trout from Burma...etc, the only local fish I could find is the fillet of Hake from Geraldton; where have all the fishes gone???

Sunny Perth

Home Cooking

When I was a kid, having take away or eating out at a restaurant is a real treat which did not come often, alas how the world have changed...My girls get excited when they learned that I am cooking,and would come home for dinner-Mother's cooking!! In some way it is sad and it reflects how society has changed for women, especially working women in the west.

I am a full time career woman in a physically demanding job, who also happens to work a second job. Being a single parent, I do not have the luxury of a partner to share the household chores, so there is always mountains of work waiting to be done;cooking is the last of the job I would consider ;as it is often cheaper and less time consuming to go out for a chinese takeaway which is fairly nutritious. The kids, no matter how old they are, still like to have "home cook " meal laboured by the poor mother who has laboured all day,who had to rushed to the crowed supermarket, fought the people in the queue, and rushed back to cook this precious meal called "mother's home cooking"...! which turned out no much different from the take away.

Sunny Perth
A rose on a pile of dung

One of my customer turned up at my workplace, the poor lady was in a lot of pain and needed immediate treatment. While waiting for the big boss, we got to talk. I enquired about the old man who came with her, and she replied that he was her husband. After hearing this, I tried very hard not to show any reaction, within me, there was turmoil,lots of questions and lots of anger. Why would a pretty25 years old lady married an old, ugly, unkept, uneducated,stupid looking old man who is at least 70 years old??

The questions kept bothering me all night,I felt angry and confused. The girl is from a poor Asian country famous for exporting its citizen overseas for domestic work, the old man is an Aussie. The feeling that any man from a richer country can just go to a poor country, offering a few dollars , married a much younger, prettier lady for sex and for domestic work incensed me, I fee really angry about this injustice that the rich bethrall on the poor from the underdeveloped countries.

The girl did not show much emotion, even though I observed that there was slight raised of eyebrow when her "old husband" was not able to recall his mobile number, there was no discontent,maybe she does love him?!Maybe she is gladful that she is able to get out of poverty circle, maybe she is grateful she is able to send some money home to help the family, maybe he has a lot of land, and she is waiting, for the day he"popped off"...there are so many maybe, so many questions.

She has gone now, but I am still here thinking about this questions...feeling so sad that "The rose is placed on a pile of cow dung" , like the old Chinese saying.....

Sunny Perth
House keeper

Sometimes I envied my girl friend and my in laws for having "housekeeper'. I do not like to call them servant as that is degrading, they are helper who are there to lessen your work load, to help you with housework; and they should be appreciated.

In the western society very few family has the luxury of a housekeeper. It will be so nice to have someone to do my housework,scrubbing my bathroom, hanging up my clothing while I sit down,enjoy my TV , and cutting my toe nail at the same time, just once, maybe three times,that will be nice. Instead I have to stay up till 1-2am washing my piles of clothing after a hard day at work, hanging them out at 2am while the rest of the world is asleep. How about vacuuming at 10pm while I should be watching "sex and the City"?and the many Friday, rushing out half naked, in my night attire, chasing the garbage truck so that the garbage wont be left there for another week.

One of my relative was a housekeeper till the day she died, Aunty Ah Tow was my 2nd Aunty's sister and we called her aunty too. Her mum was a housekeeper for English rubber plantation manager and she followed suit, working for a Chinese manager in the rubber estate. She worked all week and has day off on Saturday. She used to take my younger sister , Penny, for movies. I went once or twice. AH Tow was a sweet girl with a big mole on the left side of her forehead. I used to hope that she will get together with my eldest bropther and married him, this was not to be as grandmother thought that Ah Tow was not good enough for her family.

Ah TOw worked for French Diplomatic and went to America. At last she met a nice American, married him, but unfortunately, she was diagnosed with cancer and had to return to Singapore/Malaysia for treatment,the new husband accompanied her, nursed her and stayed with her till she died.

Some people had terrible life, my poor sweet, kind Aunty Tow Yee never get to know her own father, lived with her widowed mother, never went to school (but spoke perfect English)went through life with struggle; when at last she found some one she loved and who loved her, she died.What a sad life.Seeing my brother's "housekeeper" remind me of Aunty Ah Tow.

Sunny Perth
It is good to be home, Perth is my home.
A birthplace is not neccessary one's home if one feels alienated by the society and not been able to share the same value. In the past I have been romantic and naive; and maybe needing the "love' that I was craving, I built up my own "loving family" in my mind. For years I craved for love , worked hard to please, hoping for some love to be betrowed to me. It took me nearly 50 year to realise that it was hopeless as the persons I hope to receive love; are not able to show love, as they themselves have not received love. We were all the loveless,abandoned children of disfunctional society, what an awakening!
I cried, sobbing my heart out,all the yearning for love in the last 50 years went away with the tears; in it's place is the determination that the same would not happen to the next generation, my children will be loved and treasured; and they will grow up happy, confidence, knowing they have been loved.
One should not repeat the mistake of the previous generation. I called an "emergency" family meeting the minute I reached home. The topic of the meeeting is " Do you feel loved' Thank goodness the consensus is positive.

Sunny Perth
There have been questions about my absence on this blog, my answer was I have nothing to write except depressing stories, nevertheless, I was asked to express my feeling, so here I am.
Looking back at the picture on my blog, the one that I love and will treasured is the photos of the two oldies at Cottesloe. Dad was here visiting , his second visit to Perth and sadly might be his last; as he is not well enough to travel again. I am glad we have spent time together, the steps he built is his gift to me; maybe he knew then that his health has deteriorated.
I have just returned from Malaysia after nursing my father for 4 weeks; those were the most difficult, heart wrenching and frustrating nursing experience I have ever encounteered in my last 35 years of nursing. Beside having to get accustomed to the humility and the sub-standard condition in the hospital, I had to fight bureucracy,dealt with pessimistic,and negativist who opposed to any changes. The saddest thing is that some of these people are my own family members!By the time I fought my way through, I was physically and mentally exhausted.
Nursing own relative is emotionally drained as one carried the emotional burden with it, but the saddest and most heart wrenching is discovering that the family you viewed as a loving, happy family has lost the vary "fabric" that tied and bound the family together, the thing called love and family value. That "fabric" has disintergrated and is wearing thin, and it is sad.
In Grand father's time, that fabric was strong and the sense of family was there, now it is disappearing and even though we tried. Seeing other family with strong tie, one wonders' What went wrong?"