Sunny Perth

A parent's carelessness or favourism can sometimes have a tremendous negative effect on his/her child, parents beware!

I have told this story befor and I would like to tell the story again to warn off other parents of their action.

When I was a child,toys like dolls and cars from the shop were unheard of. Our toys were a few tins, pots and pans, marbles and balls. Rubber band was our "money" followed by improved version of worthless Japanese notes found in a suitcase. I used to climb trees, catch spiders..then one day dad came back from town with some toys, a beautiful doll with blue eyes. Her eyes opened when sat up, closed when put to bed. She had beautiful full lips and thick blond hair. Her name was "Lily".

The double decker bus was not that big, but it has bright colour,bright red duco with black wheels and lots of windows...

I was there when the toys arrived, Lily was given to my younger sister, my younger brother was given the bus...and; I had nothing! NOT a THING!

I was hurt, so damn hurt. I did not cry nor did I ask for my toy (I know the answer); instead I try to play and to share with my sister/ brother their new toy;but I was not allowed. In frustration I probably was quite disruptive, I probably threw the bus or kicked the doll (recently my younger brother told me both himself and my younger sister did not like me when we were younger; and I don't blame them) I blamed my parents , but for many years I diverted my anger and disappointment towards my younger sister and my brother,building my wall and distancing myself.Though I did sent money and presents, emotionally I could not get closer; all because of those damn toys..!

Not having my own "Lily" symbolised unloved, emotional neglet and favoritism, I carried that hurt for over thirty years until I have the courage to approach my mum.
She was emotionless,casually commented that she has always treated me as an adult, that's why I did not received the toy, damn it I was only 8 years old, an adult!

Recently I dropped everything, rushed back home to look after my dying dad in hospital. We had to organise the house for dad's home coming and the room has to be rearranged. My brothers, my niece and my sister were all involved in sorting out the place, many rubbish have to be thrown away, white ant infested wood had to be disposed off, we worked hard and were very pleased with ourselves with the result... then I received news that mum was ringing around telling people that I have come home,disrupting the household, throwing "thousands dollars" worth of stuff away...
It is "Lily" all over again! I don't get the praise, I got the blame(even though everyone else wer involved); another kick in the stomach by my own mother....

I cried, sobbing my heart out, not able to sleep for two night, crying, thinking "why..?"

For years I laboured, worked hard to gain love and approval, other kids in their new dress, went out to movies on new year day, I stayed at home in my new clothes, slaving away, making drinks and washing glasses for the continued stream of visitors. For years I slaved under hot sun, working day and night, labouring in the rubber estate,helping dad with the work, hands full of calluses.

I sent money to support the family for years, always a dutiful daughter. When properties were to be allocated, mum rang me, happily reported to me about how the land were divided, and how each boys were given share; then she digged in "Girls do not get any..!" So, girls are alright to slave in the land, but not good enough to have a share! Another knife!

I am not after any share of land, nor am I interested in money or houses, I am independent, self sufficient and have a lot of pride; but I do want recognition, and I wanted love; and I receive none.

This recent rude awakening, though hurtful, is in fact a blessing in disguise. For years I have been longing for that "love" ,sacrfying myself, putting the "family" first. The rude awakening have free me from that longing and made me see things clearer. I can now move forward and get on with my life, when there is no "hope", there is no "despair'. I feel free.